


House of Fools

by HeadphoneArcheologist



Series: We Have Food At Home (Danganronpa Family AU) [2]
Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe, First Dates, Fluff, M/M, No Despair, No Spoilers, Shovel Talk, Sibling Bonding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-31
Updated: 2020-08-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:34:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26082010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeadphoneArcheologist/pseuds/HeadphoneArcheologist
Summary: Celeste notices something is amiss with her brother Kokichi, and after discovering the cause of her brother's plight is one Saihara Shuichi Celeste decides it's time she and the young detective had a nice chat over tea.
Relationships: Celestia Ludenberg & Oma Kokichi, Oma Kokichi/Saihara Shuichi
Series: We Have Food At Home (Danganronpa Family AU) [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1893538
Comments: 15
Kudos: 212





	House of Fools

**Author's Note:**

> A squeal I suppose you could call it to the previous fic ‘A Pair of Liars’ though it can be read as a stand alone.
> 
> Once again shout out to my lovely beta Callalily000, her support has been invaluable as always
> 
> Context for This Au (for people who didn’t read the last one):  
> Celeste and Kokichi are half siblings with a fairly large age gap between them  
> Celeste pretty much raised Kokichi herself  
> Celeste and Kyoko went to high school together but ‘Ultimates’ aren’t a thing  
> Kyoko took Shuichi in after the death of his parents

Celestia has known her brother for a long time. Admittedly they only met after their mutual father passed away, which left young Kokichi in the care of his only living relative; i.e. his dear older half sister. They hardly got along when they first met, but they are older now and have worked out a method of cooperation.

That being said, Celeste knows something is amiss with Kokichi, even if he will not tell her. She is however struggling to determine what exactly is wrong with him.

It is early morning and they are eating breakfast together. Kokichi is sitting across from her at the dining room table, spooning sugary cereal into his mouth while she sips her morning milk tea. As usual Kokichi is humming as he eats, but it is not his usual humming. Typically when Kokichi hums it is part of his act, a facade; something purposeful and deliberate. This morning he is humming absently, tuneless and toneless. It’s a habit he’s maintained so he can’t help it, but his mind isn’t in the song.

Something must be preoccupying his thoughts.

Celeste sips her tea and wonders. What could be distressing her brother so?

School is the first potential cause to come to mind. High school can be quite trying after all. However… Kokichi has always done well in his classes even despite frequent absences, and his refusal to do homework. It could be that Kokichi is struggling socially but that also doesn’t sound right. He has found quite a gang of rapscallions to cause trouble with, and if he were having trouble with them she absolutely would know about it.

While watching Kokichi meticulously pick the marshmallows out of his cereal yet another possibility occurs to her.

Kokichi is at that troublesome age…

Celeste grimaces.

If his troubles are the result of his age Celeste isn’t sure what she can do. She has absolutely no intention of sitting him down and discussing the ‘birds and the bees’ so to speak. He can stumble his way through it like everyone else as far as she is concerned. Although perhaps she could give him some study materials. She isn’t so cruel as to send him through the nightmare of puberty completely unprepared, but the less direct contact she has with him on the matter the better. For the both of them.

“Careful sis, if you keep frowning like that your face will stick and no one will want to be around you.” Kokichi says, slurping up candy colored milk in the most undignified manner.

Celeste narrows her eyes in his direction. She lifts her cup and takes a delicate sip in a proper manner. “Is that so? Then perhaps you should frown more, it would do wonders for your face.”

Kokichi doesn’t reply.

That in of itself is the most out of character thing he’s done all morning.

Gentle as a feather Celeste returns her cup to it’s saucer. Taking a deep calming breath she stands from the table, her chair skittering against the floor behind her. She slams her hands down on the table between them, disturbing Kokichi’s bowl of cereal and drawing his eyes. Celeste leans over the table until she is nearly nose to nose with her brother.

He doesn’t flinch, staring back at her impassively.

“Are you a changeling?” She asks.

“Oh definitely.”

“Do not test me my dearest brother. You have been acting strange all morning and rest assured that I will find out why. It is in your best interest to simply tell me now and save us both the trouble.”

Kokichi feigns consideration, tapping his cereal spoon against his bottom lip. “I could do that, or…”

In a flash Kokichi flips his bowl, spilling the remaining milk and undesirable cereal pieces across the table. He dashes from his seat in the confusion and rushes toward the stairs. Celeste is momentarily distracted by the sheer rage that overcomes her.

In his assault Kokichi managed to drench her shirt as well as the tablecloth.

She is going to murder him for it.

Celeste recovers quickly, quick enough that she nearly catches him at the top of the stairs. Avoiding her hands, Kokichi manages to reach his bedroom door a moment before she does. It doesn’t however give him enough time to slam the door shut and lock it; not that it would keep her out. Celeste can pick locks almost as well as Kokichi can.

Brother and sister crash through the door like a thunderstorm. Kokichi makes a break for his window, attempting to hop over his bed to get to it, but Celeste is a second faster. Her arms wrap around his waist tight enough to crush his back to her chest. He struggles, of course he does, so Celeste pins him to his bed and wraps him up in the purple blanket which covers his checkered sheets.

Immobilized in his blanket prison, Celeste rolls him onto his stomach and sits on his back to keep him from getting away. He attempts to wiggle his way to freedom but she stubbornly stays put.

“Celeste! You’re crushing me!”

“Duly noted.” Celeste pulls the wet front of her shirt away from her skin with a look of disgust. Not only is her shirt ruined but she will have to take another shower to remove the sugary residue that has seeped through. 

Being crushed to death is a small mercy for his transgressions against her outfit.

“Why are you being so mean to me!? Big sis!”

“Because I am a tyrant. Now I order you to tell me what is troubling you or else I will be forced to toss you into the oven and cook you.”

“I think you’re mixing up your fairy tales.”

“Kokichi. Now.”

He gives an over dramatic sigh then drops his forehead to the bed and all but suffocates himself. Kokichi lays there for a moment, then finally mutters something incomprehensible into his bed sheets. 

“As the tyrannical ruler of this household I demand that you speak up.”

Once more Kokichi sighs, but obediently lifts his head and speaks; this time more clearly but no less annoyed. “Shuichi asked me out. On a date.”

Shuichi… ah yes, the boy detective and one of Kyoko’s brood. After Kokichi’s first arrest Celeste had been hoping his infatuation with the boy would simply die off. It hasn’t, and Kokichi has remained stubbornly in contact with Shuichi despite Celeste’s warnings. 

Apparently the baby detective is equally fond of Kokichi, or at the very least too polite to tell him off.

How interesting and terribly annoying. 

There are times Celeste hates being right. 

“I see. You agreed to this date I presume?” 

“I- yeah.”

Celeste nods, satisfied with this answer and so she stands. Kokichi struggles for a minute or two to unwrap himself from the blanket, but as soon as he is freed he jumps to his feet and stands opposite Celeste. The bed remains firmly between them, like Kokichi is afraid she might attempt to trap him again.

It’s unbearably adorable. 

“You owe me a new shirt” she tells him, “this one is positively ruined.”

That being said she leaves the room, the picture of perfect poise and grace despite how she acted mere minutes ago.

Celestia Ludenburg might be the adult of the house, but Kokichi has a way of bringing out the child in her; more than her parents or peers ever could.

-

Over the next few days Celeste tries at every available opportunity to lure her brother into a conversational trap so that she might learn more about this ‘date’ with the boy detective. Try as she might, Kokichi deftly avoids her various snares, and despite her subtle insistence she has learned nothing. 

Time is drawing shorter by the day and Celeste decides there is only one thing she can do.

If Kokichi will not tell her anything, then she will have to discover it on her own.

Celeste has been dealt quite a bit of knowledge on one Saihara Shuichi, both from what her brother has told her and from Kyoko herself. For instance she knows Shuichi is both licensed to drive and a trustworthy driver behind the wheel. Playing the odds in her head Celeste decides there is a very high chance the young detective will wish to pick Kokichi up for their outing.

That will be her opportunity. 

Now she need only discern the date and time. 

For that Celeste must simply be patient. Kokichi will tell her, in his own way, whether he wants to or not. His poker face is good but he will never be quite on her level. 

Sure enough come Saturday morning Celeste can practically feel the anxiety drifting off her brother. She doesn’t bother feigning ignorance and simply asks him; “when will he be here?”

“Who? I have no idea who you’re talking about.”

Half buried in his closet Celeste can’t actually see Kokichi from his bedroom doorway, but she can see the avalanche of clothes he’s tossing out of it. The odds are about equal she thinks of him playing up his nerves as part of his act, and genuine concern for how he appears for his little date. 

Celeste rolls her eyes. Children honestly. “The baby detective.” She clarifies though neither of them require it.

“Sorry big sis, you’ll have to be more specific. I know hundreds of detectives.” 

Celeste examines the smooth black polish on her nails. “I assume he’ll be picking you up?”

“Pfft! As if I’d ever give away the location of my home base!”

That would be a yes. Both Kyoko and Shuichi already have this address so Kokichi would have no reason to conceal that information. “Oh my! I think I hear someone at the door.”

Kokichi bursts out of his closet; “don’t answer it!”

Celeste regards her brother with a perfectly blank look. He scowls at her before diving back into the closet.

This date must truly be getting the better of his nerves if he fell for an obvious trick like that. Or perhaps his desire to keep her from greeting the baby detective is strong enough that he would take a risk even at low odds.

Hm. Curious.

Celeste turns and eyes the dining room chair she has left in the hallway. “Well if you won’t tell me then I suppose I’ll just have to find out for myself.”

“What?”

She closes the door and fits the chair beneath the knob until she is absolutely certain Kokichi won’t be able to open it. Clever as he is, his physical strength is rather lacking.

Once she is done Celeste leans back against the opposite wall and watches amused as Kokichi tries the handle. The knob turns but the door does not budge an inch. The frame shakes with a loud thump as Kokichi throws himself bodily into the door but to no avail. “Hah! You’re pretty stupid big sis if you think you can keep a phantom thief locked up!”

“Don’t bother with the window” she calls to him, raising her voice so she can be heard through the door. “I had new frames installed to keep them from opening more than a couple inches. I mean, we are on the second floor. I’d be beside myself if you fell out your window and plummeted to your death.”

“Oh you are going to be so sorry when I get out of here!”

“I am positively terrified.”

Kokichi continues to rattle his prison bars but Celeste pays him no mind. She makes her way downstairs to the kitchen and flips the kettle on. While the water boils she opens her tea cabinet and selects a tea set. She decides on an elegant white European pot with matching cups that she arranges perfectly on a tray. 

When the water comes to a boil she measures out the tea leaves and pours the hot water into the pot. Leaving the tea to brew she goes into the living room to clean up. She rotates the pillows on the sofa, and lays a delicate lace cloth over the stains on the coffee table. 

There likely isn’t any time for her to vacuum, fortunately the floor isn’t noticeably dirty. 

The living room now to her satisfaction, Celeste retrieves the tea tray from the kitchen.

The moment the tray touches the coffee table, Celeste hears the doorbell.

Perfect timing.

“Don’t you dare!” Kokichi shouts from upstairs. 

Oh she dares.

Celeste walks elegantly to the door and pulls it open. 

Kyoko’s protege looks much the same as she remembers, but for once he has foregone wearing the ever present baseball cap on his head. Upon seeing her he reaches up as if to tug the brim of said hat down, only for his hand to fall back to his side when he finds it is not there.

Quite Curious.

“Uh… I-I-”

“Saihara Shuichi. You are here to see my brother” Celeste steps back and gestures him inside. “Please, come inside.” 

The boy swallows nervously but does as she asks and steps inside. He flinches when the door closes behind him, and visibly jumps when he hears the ruckus from the upper floor. His eyes go wide and he casts a nervous glance toward the stairs.

“Don’t mind the knocking” Celeste tells him, directing Shuichi toward the living room instead. “Please sit, Kokichi will be down in a moment. Would you care for a cup of tea while you wait?”

“Ah- y-yes please. Thank you.”

Shuichi sinks down onto the sofa and Celeste takes the armchair across from him. She pours tea into one of the cups. “Do you take milk or sugar in your tea?”

“Oh um, neither. Thank you.”

Celeste passes the cup over without another word. She goes about preparing her own cup and leans back in the armchair. 

A tense silence falls between them, broken only by the bangs and thumps from upstairs.

Celeste brings her cup to her lips, eyeing Shuichi over the rim of her glass.

His hands shake as he too takes a careful sip. His eyes continuously dart over toward the stairs, and each loud thump or crash has him practically jumping out of his skin. Clearly the poor boy is nervous.

Good.

She takes pity on the baby detective and speaks first. “So, I presume you are here to take my darling brother ‘out’ as the youth say it, correct?” 

Almost instantly a bright flush blossoms over Shuichi’s cheeks, until even the tips of his ears are red. He nearly drops his cup into his lap. “I-I um t-that is-”

Truly it is painful to listen to him struggle through his embarrassment.

“Do not insult me by denying it.” She sips her tea, “but you needn’t look so terrified. I do not disapprove; not necessarily.”

“Not necessarily?”

Celeste sets her cup down on the table and folds her hands in her lap. Before she can utter a word she is interrupted by a crash, followed by a frustrated shout from Kokichi. She waits patiently for her brother to finish cursing her name before continuing the conversation. “I am certain you are aware of my brother’s illicit activities, and you are an aspiring officer of the law. I have many reasons to be concerned do you not agree?” 

Shuichi too sets his cup down, a frown on his lips and a furrow between his brows. Oddly enough he appears calmer now, more resolute. “I’m only an apprentice detective, and Kokichi’s crimes are mostly just childish pranks; nothing so serious that I would feel the need to turn him over to the authorities.”

“And if he did?”

“Huh?”

“If Kokichi did something so serious that you felt compelled to tell your superiors, would you?” 

Shuichi goes quiet, eyes fixed on the stairs. There’s a strange almost metallic screeching coming from Kokichi’s room now, but Celeste doubts that is what's drawing his attention.

“I- yes. Although I don’t think it will come to that.”

The answer is less than satisfactory but Celeste would hardly expect anything different. “I see; and do you feel compelled to correct his criminal behaviour?”

Shuichi laughs softly, “I don’t think anyone can make Kokichi change if he doesn’t want to. N-not that I want him to! I’d like to understand him the way he is, if he’ll let me.”

A better answer, but hardly enough to ease her concerns. “And the lying?”

“I don’t like when I’m lied to. I’ll never be able to say I love his lying, but I know that’s just who Kokichi is. It’s not something I’d expect him to change and it’s not enough to scare me away.”

Once again, not entirely reassuring although it could certainly have been worse. “Oh? It won’t bother you that Kokichi will keep secrets from you? It won’t upset you that there will always be parts of him you never truly see?”

“I think that’s true of everyone isn’t it? No one will ever know all the parts of another person. I hope I can become someone Kokichi can trust with anything, but I don’t expect him to always tell me everything.”

Curious. 

For the first time since their guest arrived, the house is completely silent.

She almost understands why Kokichi is so fond of the baby detective. For better or for worse it seems that she has no reason to object. Shuichi has answered her questions, and he has mostly met her standards. 

Not that her opinion would change Kokichi’s mind or his heart for that matter.

Celeste looks Shuichi over from head to toe. “You are rather pale for someone so young.”

“Excuse me?”

“I’ve never managed to achieve a shade quite like yours despite my best efforts, do you think you would get any paler as a corpse?”

Shuichi goes still. “I-I don’t- um…”

Celeste leans forward and takes one of his hands in her own. “If your luck holds, you won’t have to find out anytime soon.” 

She squeezes his hand so hard that he winces.

“Do not give me any reason to seek an answer to that question any sooner than necessary, do you understand?”

Shuichi swallows and gives a stiff nod. 

There’s a loud crash from upstairs; something that sounds distinctly like glass breaking. Celeste releases Shuichi’s hand and settles in her chair, reaching for her tea. Just as she is taking a sip the front door flies open and her darling brother rushes into the room. 

He looks a little worse for wear, there’s dirt on his cheek and a cut on his hand but otherwise he appears to be fine. “You should have known better than to try trapping me sis!”

“I did not intend to trap you, merely delay you for a moment.” Celeste drinks the last of her tea, “you may go. I’m done with your detective for the time being.”

Shuichi stands from the couch and bows to Celeste. “I-it was a pleasure meeting you. Thank you for the tea.”

“Do remember what we talked about,” Celeste reminds him as Kokichi all but drags Shuichi out the door. The door slams with finality and the house goes silent.

Celeste lingers on the couch for a moment, just long enough to hear the car outside drive away, then gets up to make a call.

She has a hunch one of the bedroom windows needs to be replaced.

-

It's late when a light from the road shines through the front window and draws Celeste’s attention away from her novel. Through the gap in the curtains she can see a familiar vehicle parked on the side of the street in front of their house. She surmises that Kokichi’s date must be over. 

Celeste places a bookmark in her book and sets it aside. She would have expected to have it finished by now, but her thoughts have been elsewhere and she has only just barely gotten halfway through.

After smoothing the wrinkles in her skirt, Celeste gets to her feet and moves through the silent house. By the time she walks up to the window, she can see Shuichi and Kokichi through the curtains as they approach the door hand in hand.

How disgustingly romantic.

They stop just outside the front steps, allowing Celeste to observe them both as they talk. She cannot hear what they are saying, but she can see Kokichi smiling as he swings their clasped hands back and forth. Shuichi on the other hand is fidgeting. His free hand worries the hem of his shirt between his fingers as he shifts his weight from side to side.

To be that young and foolish… Celeste feels a strange sense of melancholy befall her. 

Soon her darling brother will not be so young.

Has their time together truly passed them by so quickly?

Kokichi suddenly leans further into the baby detective's space, likely to make him uncomfortable. Shuichi takes half a step backwards, only to shift forward again that half step. After only a moment’s hesitation Shuichi leans in and presses a swift kiss to Kokichi’s cheek.

The contact lasts a second at most before Shuichi pulls back.

It's the first time Celeste has seen Kokichi look so genuinely surprised.

Shuichi starts to talk, his lips moving so hurriedly she can practically hear his embarrassed stuttering through the glass. Kokichi doesn’t appear to hear a word he is saying, his face completely blank as he stares. 

Half a second later Kokichi grips the front of the detective's shirt in both hands and yanks him down into a proper kiss. 

Celeste looks away, filled with both fondness and disgust.

Turning her back on the window, she walks to the stairs and heads up to her room. She had intended to speak with her brother when he returned, but she has decided such a discussion can wait until tomorrow. 

It wouldn't do for Celestia Ludenburg to be seen smiling like a fool.

**Author's Note:**

> Fun Fact!  
> I actually did some research into proper tea party etiquette for this fic, unfortunately i ended up cutting the scene i needed it for. On the plus side i now know how to host a proper tea party lol.


End file.
